I've started college.
It has a pretty bad timetable and management but it's still pretty alright.
I wanted to go Taylor's so badly but it's alright now.. somehow.
I've accepted the fact that I've to study a subject that I don't want to.
Well, I actually am studying the whole course that wasn't in my plan initially. LOL.
And everything has gone so different from the plans.
From plan A to plan B to plan C then plan D and it goes on and on.
Contradiction!
And, maybe January intake is meant for those students that are very very keen and nervous bout studies?
Almost everyone looked pretty geeky. Almost, I said, almost. :)
And they seem very smart, like they're all almost from A, B, C classes in their high schools.
But, of course there are some pretty nice people.
I'm basically mixing with people that I don't actually mix around with during primary school and/or high school.
Giving almost everyone a chance, cuz I deserve a chance, people deserve a chance too.
It's college now, forget bout high school and primary school.
Just like Tony said, we're all a piece of blank sheet to him and the SSD, which is the Student Service Department. :)
So, I'm trying to meet more people, but I somehow don't seem as active as some other people. Ha!
Maybe I'm just too shy? Heh.
But it took me by surprise that I actually went to talk to this new girl, all the way from Taiping. She's alright, basically. :)
And too bad those other nationalities students are taking different courses from mine, I don't getta meet people from Japan, Egypt etc etc. ><
College life seems alright so far.. except I'm still waking up very early every morning. Sigh, I thought I could sleep in. :p
We had BBQ night in college the other day, it was okay. Looking forward to movie night now.
Imagine the whole cinema being occupied by us! x)
But, this week has been a very very very bad bad baaaad week. :((
I shall not talk about it.
Besides, am coping pretty hard with most of the subjects. I'm like whaat? Huh? What's she talking about? during classes like Accountings. :(
Sometimes I wonder why the hell did I take pure science for secondary education. LOL.
So, yeah, I'll see what I can do with what I have and hoping I could get good scores.
And people, we should mix around and not stick to the same groups. LOL!
We're now kinda being categorized as the Peng Hwa girls. -.-
Hoping to meet more people, never try, never find good friends and course mates.
I don't want my college life to be dull and full of studies only even though studies is important.
And if you ever know any Accounting tutor, please let me know! Text me, PM me, or something, thank you!
It's raining out there and I'm sitting by the window in my room.
Staring out the window and many things came to my mind.
And here I am starting to blog again, still by the window, listening to the rain drops.
Playing one of my Golden Memories discs collection, listening to Rain Drops Keep Falling On My Head.
Letting the rain to splash in, wetting my legs.
I received a message and ugh, you wouldnt wanna be me if you know how my actual life is.
Though no one knows how my real life is, I suppose.
What everyone have seen are basically just the surface. Wants to see my real life?
Not even a chance as I'm hiding it. Hiding it real good til even my mum doesnt see it either.
You might think that I'm so fake but, up to you. You wouldnt wanna know the real ones.
I mean, c'mon, it isnt fake either, you're just seeing the surface only, it's still facts.
What would you do? If you're doing the same thing every single day.
Waking up in the morning, feeling so dead on the bed, you would just wish to sleep back and not getting up at all. Might as well sleep in 24 hours everyday.
But yeah, you cant, you've to get up before your mum starts going around babbling on you. Or your little sisters come banging on the door.
Or there's something important waiting for you to do. Being a sleepyhead, you still have to get up replying all the texts you've receive during the night or early morning.
Even a simple morning wishes would cheer me up. And go bath. Even with your eyes close. Pfft.
Let's say it's a school day, then you'd start getting ready to school. Getting into the the car so reluctantly, to school.
All you gotta do is, open your mind and ears, stuff all the knowledge in, learn more and more each day. Then end of school, you feel so exhausted, but still put on a smile, say goodbyes to your classmates and friends.
When you see your mum, you still have to put on a big smile and pretends that school was fun.
Gets ready and go to tuition, staring at the teacher when your brain is already sleeping, and listen to the sick jokes the teacher pulls off. You still have to fake a laugh, or at least put on a smile.
Get back to home and it's already 10.30pm. You still have like a stack of homework to do, big bunch of assignments. And you still have to study. Pfft.
When you finish everything, it's already was past midnight.
That's not fun, right?
Okay, how about it's a holiday? It should be fun, right?
Well, we'll see. You can sleep in as long as you like but not until 11 o'clock either. Getting up, and start getting yourself brunch.
On the laptop and you'd go online whole day long cuz you have nothing better to do to keep all the stress away.
Or you'd go playing the piano, but you get so freak up every time you plays the wrong chord whenever it comes to that freaking bar and start switching off everything.
Or let's say you'd play on the drums, but you're so stress out that you're so lazy to get the hands to coordinate with the legs, and it sounds so freaking messy and bad, then you'd start switching off everything again.
Then, grab the DSLR and go shoot some photos but you're stuck in your own house, you get bored out after shooting the same objects again and again. Leave the camera aside and start switching on the TV but nothing nice to watch.
Back to your lappy and on that PPS, but the stupid line made it to load so slow. You're so frustrated already and you'd grab a book and start reading.
Then, the story is so weird that you just throw the book aside.
Continuing on all the plannings you've to do, whatever stuffs you've to do but you dont wanna do.
After all, you have nothing better to do, so, on the Facebook and MSN and chatting around with a bunch of people on meaningless topic, reading up randomly on net til it's time for bed.
Okay, so that's not fun, right? Ha ha ha.
I'd like to change my life, but I suppose it will be the same for at least a year more.
Let me finish my SPM and I wanna get my ass off here and start exploring other places.
But y'know what, I still cant, I have to go study again, to be graduated from university or at least get a bachelor to please my dad. And I hate when people says you can just buy it. WTH.
Is it just me or everyone? To have such boring life.
Okay, so here's a question for all of you.
How do you break free from all this sickening daily routine?
Is it god damn possible? Seriously feel like giving up.It just doesnt seem to be able, but there is always this little rays of hope,which made me continue. All these doesnt seem possible, yet possible. Contradictions, aint liking it at all. I've been thinking a lot, lately. Why do I want this, I seriously have no idea.Or maybe I do, just a single lil tiny reason, perhaps? Why do I want that? Cuz I wanna be successful and achieve my own dreams. Some stuffs are not meant to be repeated. Shall not repeat the same mistakes I've made. Somehow, there's this urge. I shall not repeat it all over again, I keep reminding myself.Never ever again. Wait, hold on, never ever again? Like, NEVER? Til the day I die? Ay, is it possible? Fine, leave it behind first, studies are more important. Achieving dreams are rather more important than THAT either. Hold on, how do I leave it behind, if I'm doing something every single day? See, I'm really going crazy, or as some have said, I'm already crazy. I shall stop all this wonderings and thinkings. But if I stop, problems will never ever be solved, right?
So yeah, any counselors out there, or I need a freaking psychiatrist? =/ But I'm happy that I'm stronger. And secondly, there's always something that would cheer me up and put up a big smile on my face. =D
Okay, something rather serious now, who's going to the PFS concert this coming tuesday? Let's meet up. ;D
This is something that have been on my mind on and off recently.
I dont know what to do. Who's here to help me?
Next year is my SPM year. Although I'm not gonna study in any government college or university, and since I dont wanna study anything related to whatever I'm studying now, but I still want to score straight As. I know it's hard but I will strive hard!
But next year is a very busy year. Definitely will not have much free time.
____________________________________________
And I'm sick of some kinda people. I'm sorry, but if you're still with your freaking ignorant attitude, I shall ignore you too. Dont hope that I'll give you much.
I'm sorry for not wishing my bestest friend, Laurine, happy birthday, when I saw her. Happy belated birthday, Laurine! __________________________
Occurence of saddening and unexpectations. Moodless for every single thing. A smile, was put on, my face, was a lie to everyone, yesterday.
I'm sorry. For ignorences and perfunctory. I'm sorry. For not telling anything.
I just couldnt tell. Cant bear the thoughts of pouring rain myself.
I've lost my senses. The mode was extremely bizarre, as old memories were flashing through. The important stuffs waiting for me, forgot, forgot and forgotten.
I acted strong. I acted as if nothing happened. I am so sad. But I'll soon put it aside, but not forgetting at all.
The greatest memories I had with you all definitely have you in it. The laughter, the jokes, the sillyness, the fun, the protections, and so much more, will always live with me.
I've always look up to you. Your bravery and all. I'm always in awe whenever mum tells me anything about you, even five hours ago.
Thank you for all the protections, laughters and so much more. R.I.P my uncle. I love you.
Left you by the phone at half past three Now it's quarter to, you're not to be seen Last I saw your face was ten hours gone And suddenly you're sorry, it's my fault for giving in
You will never love the way you know You will never love the way you show
Yeah I go back to you, every chance I get No matter how soft my skin is From the last time you dug real deep My bones are shaking and I can't do this anymore And I need to stop missing you I can't fix us two
Left you by my heart now it's ruined red I should have said how mad I really was Told you how I felt but now it's dark Now go to sleep upset, didn't tell you what I meant
Will we part our ways it's hard to say We've come too far to say we just can't stay Seems we'll always be two And I'll never quite get you
still in confuse state. whatever it is, everything seems obscure to me. from life to studies, from studies to life. it's too blur.
no idea why. and i just dont like this feeling. such doinky-doink.
for life, it aint pointless in exact. but it just seems to be pointless? letting everyday pass on. it dont seems right, yet, doing it.
for studies, everything is getting harder. way harder. lost from most of the thing.
miss out a lot a lot. it's pretty hard to catch up when nobody's explaining all the "whys" which always pop up. will catch up on all a.s.a.p.
but i dont like our miss-cheong-hei-bad-english-pronunciation-self-praise-loo yok moi. dont understand a single thing she teaches. =/ i'll read it up myself then.
surprisingly, there was once a few classes which i kinda like bio. it's on animals and it's pretty interesting. now it's all back to cells and cells and cellssss. =(
9 more days to exam and i'll be a dead meat who will look like an idiot by then. ha. studying in pcghs really...... luckily my mum do not force me like crazy. ; ) but still, the pressure is there. =(
yeah, admit it, i dont like to be a fool or whatsoever. i would rather shut myself up.
everything needa memorize. i dont like memorizing.
sheesh. mum said "i dont know. ask your dad." after a while "dont want laah....."
and there goes her scolding.. and things she've been kept inside and not to voice it out for a very long time? =S
i was just asking for a chance to experience different thing. there's no need to scold me so angrily. if you say it's better not, then fine, i wont join. i'll not ask dad. i will not.
thanks, by the way. for letting me know that what you really really really thought about my holidays. i said "our family doesnt do anything during holiday, that's boring." though i shouldnt say that. it made her angrier. =S
but that's the truth. i love spending my time in the band during school holidays. back then, i've had wasted years of holiday doing nothing appropriate. our family doesnt go for any activities unless our relatives came for visits. dont blame me for that. i've waited for years and felt my time are wasted, by just munching on junk food and watch tv for almost every holiday i have from day to night!
i've my time now, you've your time either. why not we all spend it happily by doing meaningful stuff? no matter what, i'll go overseas to realize my dreams. to get a bachelor degree, it take 3 or 4 years time, i suppose. by then, do you think i have the time to come back so often? after that, i guess i should be busy with career, you getting old. how many things more can we do then?
how many things we can do now. how much time we can spend together now. compare it to future, please, mummy. and daddy.
i actually forgot about my birthday last night! =.="' until the reminder in my phone to wish siew pheng too pops out, then only i remember. i should be knocked on the head. hahaa.
thanks to the following friends for all the wishes :
jiun wei *the 1st. lol.* jia yi *1st percussionist* wei kiat alexson *you're not first, man. though you're on time. haha* nan rou jing ning zheng yee wei yu alison jesmine hsiang hsiang michele bernie laurine yi ding zhi yun yih sein shi chin shermaine jia jun sean yee ting li nee theresa ee teng shehli man thing siew wen nigel shayne
thanks to jia yi who bought me so many stuff. pooh bear plush toy, chocolate doughtnuts and card.
it freaked me out. haha. cuz she left it by the door of my classroom and i only saw the box of doughnuts. i didnt know she left a big bag of pooh bear outside the classroom. it was add math lesson so i didnt go out and get it but i saw everyone who passed by was like O.O lol.
thanks to daddy again for the laptop which is supposed to be my birthday present.
and the greatest present i've receive this year is: getting gold medal in state formation competition. though, it's kinda a regret for not getting champion but for some reasons, i'm happy with just 2nd. =)
for the past few years, i had bad or sad birthday, though i still on a big smile. i had no memory from last year about birthday. =S 2007 was bad as we got bronze the weekend before. and it was teacher's day celebration in school. we had to clean up the classrooms after preparing party for the teachers. =.=
but this year, it's different. it's a mix. it rained cats and dogs while heading to school. school flooded. =S even the corridoor. there's no way to get into the school without getting wet. sheesh. alison and my shoes were wet like fish pond! hahaa. got mummy to get us slippers to change. =D
and good news was i get a few more marks for my bio. muahaha.
bad news was, i have to catch up with the studies a lot a lot. eek. i dont know many stuff and there're quite a lot of homework.
laurine and i are not used to sit in class and strive for studies. we'd rather go dowo to the field. haha.
and i dont like my chinese teacher. yes, i've late for handing in my chinese work. but dont make up story and simply scold me in class! ish.
but yeah, it's still a nice day. thanks to family who celebrated for me. =)
went to new world park at 4.30, after home tuition yesterday. met up with percussionists. to watch drum battle and jazz band.
it rained when i reach. =.="' sggs were practicing. pfs were by the side. i didnt see any other team anymore. met marvin there too.
when it was 5, the battle havent start yet, again. delay again. lol. so tc suggested we go and eat some stuff 1st. we met the judges, which are siameses, and pn june loo too. they're eating. =.= then we seperated from them and start getting our own ice kacangs.
such big bowl. =.="' you wont believe it when you see the three form 2 girls fooled around. hahaa. they shared one bowl of ice kacang and pour on each others spoons. lol.
when we knew the judges starting to settle into their seats, we quickly finish our ice kacang and run! lol.
we missed out a little of the beginning, which was pfs. the cymbals repeat what they have done? then it was sggs. 1st time seeing just their percussion. lol. then it was bm high. one of the snare drummer drop his sticks. they had this go in round and round many times and dont know how many people stepped and kicked the sticks. =.="'
and that's all. 3 teams only. lol.
the colourguards from thailand performed 2 shows. then it's result time. they announce by category which are all upon 10. hooi nee and i were doing the calculations. adding every result the emcee announced. haha.
bm high's mark was 20.5, if not mistaken. sggs had 22.5 and pfs had 22.75. pfs won by the difference of 0.25 marks only. lol.
actually, i think they all focused too much on visuals. hmm. that's my opinion lah. hehe.
after battle, which was around 6 something only, we had nothing to do until jazz band, which starts at 8pm. =.=
since i brought my laptop along, we went to starbuck and online. haha. we watched band videos, happy three friends. it was so funny. we kept on laughing and shushing ourselves. =.="'
then time past so fast that it's already 7.30. we rush out, went and had dinner at passion something kerala. indian food. shiling's idea. lol.
in passion kerala.
everyone left the table to just get this pic taken. haha.
we had banana leaves as our plates.
serving rice.
vegetarian dishes.
we all ate the same. lol.
my mango lassi. hey, it's gonna poke into theresa's mouth. lol.
this is that disgusting, weird taste food we all had. everyone tried and quickly drank loadsa water.
the waitress went many round to get me this. she kept getting me the wrong food. ==
yeah. i just cut my hair yesterday morning. =S
after i paid the bill, we took group pics.
but since we still have around 20 minutes before jazz band starts, we had game time. =.="' they mix this thing with curry and i added a chili.
look at her, i think she won. hahaa.
it taste very-curry-powdery-milk. lol.
we all laughed so hard cuz finally theresa lost. xD
mix again
stir...
and drink! lol.
nan rou didnt join us cuz she had tummy ache. which really ache til cant walk. we bought her actal but it didnt work. we thought jazz band will be very interesting therefore we stood on the bench.
this was the 1st team, according to marvin, it's bm high.
it gets really really boring. and since nan rou is really sick, we bought her hot water, bread, milo. get pamphlets to fan her. and she got worst. then we realized she didnt chew her actal. =S
so, there went the 2nd tablet. and shiling they all chewed the actal for fun. =.=
an hour pass by and she's still not feeling any better. i couldnt reach tc, i was thinking needa bring her to hospital ad. as she didnt wanna let her mum know. suddenly thought of ask for help from laurine's mum. thank god her family always go for mission trip. she know the basic things to treat patients.
and then, i accompanied nan rou while laurine's mum brought her to a place which has more fresh air. laurine's mum told her some stories and stuff. i sorta "eavesdrop". hahaa. nice one. =)
and she made nan rou laughed, finally, after hours.
then we walked around and met back with the rest. chit chatted and so. then we brought nan rou back to place which has better air circulation. and then, another accident! =S
theresa burnt her hand. by accidently touching the light which has been on for hours. she scream as if something bit her. she used the fountain water to cool it but couldnt use. so, i off my laptop and run to guardian to bought her some cream.
when i went back, laurine's mum came to rescue again. haha.
she said we're all still too excited and stuck in friday. the mood and everything still havent calm down. too high til never take care of safety. hahaa.
so, we didnt see anything from the jazz band except i heard leonard's team playing that caught my attention. nice arrangement. jazz band was over and we dont even know the result. lol.
but, we all went back happily around 10 something. nan rou got better a lot. theresa was laughing after that when laurine's mum did something useful. my mum came, talked to tc for a while then it's time to go home.
though many accidents happened, but we all had loadsa fun. and, it's a great chance that most of us are able to come out and hang out til so late night. ;)
we won 2nd!! and best preparation and best uniform! =D
PCGHS Band, good job, girls! great performance. =D
PCGHS percussion, well done. we all did our very best. =D
_________________________________________
i was so looking forward to the competition when i woke up this morning. =)
although some stuff happened and made me quite worry. but i believe we are able.
anyway, we were the first team to reach like usual. lol. very early. we sorta became vips. xD
then it was rest time after rehearsal. spotted some stuff while having bread. =p
jing ning said i smelled stink of that counterpain analgesic cream after i came back from the washroom. =S put too much. lol. and due to my half-short-haf-long fringe, i let jes gel my hair. it's sticky and yucky, actually. lol.
the competition delayed and started around 3 something. =.= 1st team was bagan jaya with sunflowers on their hats. next was badawi, i didnt see them. then union with new uniforms and CG.
and then it rains! lol. we were praying and hoping that it wont rain but then it really rained. =.=
after a while, the rain stopped and continued with sains school. saw nothing. was running through everything.
then jit sin. by then, we were standing by the side for uniform checking.
and it was our turn!
the T square block was nice. xD
we started off with gunung kinabalu. then hujan di tengah hari. i was actually smiling inside. hehe.
then, percussion solo. i was so happy. we all did what we wanted. =)
during fanfare, laurine smiled so hard that i almost smile out. my lips were trembling. xD
during ascend, i have no idea why i suddenly lost my breathing. =.="' and then i started to breath very hardly. i almost have asthma. lol. but i was happy. what a conflict! hahaa.
now i know why. it was because of i saw laurine grinning so happily and i saw every single members did their very best. i was too excited! hahaa.
but i hold on, til the very last second and did my best. yeah, i cried after the show. it was not because we're bad or what. but it was because i was having difficulty in breathing. so suffering. ==
when i went back to the team, they're all still okay. but after seeing my face, i've no idea why my juniors followed me and cried. lol. sorry girls. theresa was the funniest, she laughed and cried at the same time! lol.
i was so happy when i saw his face. and i heard what laurine's mum said. i knew it! ;)
we prepared for march pass to get our results. i like the feeling we all had during it.
we stood there for quite some time. and my head was in pain. the helmet was tight after wearing for a long time. =S they started off with giving souvenirs. then i think best preparation and uniform came first and it's us! =D
best CG was jit sin, expected. best drum major was jit sin either. 3rd placing was union. i actually thought bagan. ==
then 2nd, the emcee said the team played dont know what march and i was like starting to sigh inside. but then she said the team played hujan di tengah hari too. i was suddenly full of hope again. and it's us! =D suddenly felt so much excitement around me.
of course by then, the jit sin supporters are screaming and cheering happily. jit sin won the champion.
we walked out of the field and we got on to the bus not long after. you couldnt imagine how happy we were, even though we didnt get champion. we actually went crazy and were too high. we sat properly at first. eat, drink and chit chatted. then nobody cares anymore and straight went very high!
we shouted happily. i think the bus uncle gonna faint. traffic jam plus us so noisy. hahaa. and we laughed so hard, so loudly while sharing what we saw and encountered. xD
reached school around 8.20pm, i think. And it’s photo time! “fight” to grab the trophy. Lol.
after changing clothes and keeping stuff, we rush out to eat. actually wanted to go restaurants, but end up went to goodall coffee shop.
we ate satay, fish, fried oysters, poh piah and drink loadsa drinks. lol. sent msgs to those seniors that couldnt come to watch. we talked a lot. haha.
then we spotted ying hsi! i asked her to guess our result and she totally went blur. she didnt know it's our competition day. therefore she missed it. =S
we talked for a while then it's already 10pm plus. time to go home. tired but too excited to sleep. xD
quad - wei cheen, thank you for looking at laurine. =)
li nee, you've changed! you were full of confidence and werent so shy anymore. hahaa.
multi - jiayi, jing ning, shelyn and theresa. you girls are great! i love how fast you girls are. ;) and i love the solos you girls played. great job!! i almost put on a big smile when someone gasp in aw.
theresa and jiayi, sorry and thanks. know what i mean. =)
snares - shi ling, gaik sean and nan rou. i knew i dont have to worry about you girls anymore after gunung. great one.
nan rou, remember, you did nothing wrong. dont worry about that part. it's not in it. =)
cymbals - siew pheng, the best i've seen from you. great one. =)
hooi nee, see, like i said, you wont. =)
mallets - chu wei and i. chu wei, you're freaking strong. you're so great. thank you so much. i'm so happy that we're better in... xD
thanks to hooi nee and chu wei, a lot a lot. thanks to all the seniors that helped us too. thanks to the helpers of the day too. =)
Short the name, Am`s.
Plays the piano and percussion.
Loves instrumental, jazz and classical.
Likes to read. Fond of hugs.
Loves family and friends.
Call me being eccentric, but I've quite an aversion to liquor and abhor smoking.
Peace ; )
*Psst! I always either forgot or lazy to tag labels on every entry. So do excuse me if you cant stuffs under some labels.* =)
` More Lomo Cameras
` Learn another language; Korean?
` Get income :/
` New piano seriously.
` Vacations; Visit an Europe country
` A long break from everything
