Oh no, oh no. I am so freaking afraid of time nowadays. =S
Once February, it means I've only 40 weeks, which is 280 days to go.
9 months or 40 weeks sound long to me, but 280 days sounded short to me. That's kinda weird.
Approximately 6720 hours, 403200 minutes, or 24192000 seconds more to go.
TnT
Okay, no more TV dramas, no more going awww-mad about korean actors, no more youtube-ing, no more PPS-ing, no more wasting time on day dreaming, no more reading junks, no more whatever I think I should stop doing.
Instead, I think I should just stop online-ing at all. Heh, but I dont think I can live without the internet cuz I get so much infos for my studies from internet, yeah, not textbooks. =.=
Oh well, determination is so freaking important.
And dont say I should go study instead of blogging this entry cuz it's almost midnight and I still couldnt sleep.
And it would be waste to go studying right now cuz all think now are Hong Ki, and scholarship or not, and Hong Ki, and will I've time for piano, and Hong Ki and how to memorize bio, and Hong Ki, and still Hong Ki. Hehehee.
Okay, something rather serious, can someone tell me why if you throw an apple up in a moving aeroplane in the sky, why will that apple drop back to your own palm but not flying backwards?
Since the aeroplane is moving at high speed, right? It should be something like roller coaster where all your stuffs fly off.
But I figured that cuz it's in an enclosed area. Secondly, as I know, aeroplanes travel at negative speed? So I thought it might somehow connects? Yes? No?
I've done quite a few good deeds nowadays and I'm feeling very good. Hee.
I've done something this evening which made me feels happy, in fact, it's my second time doing so, notwithstanding feeling weird and nervous, I'm glad too.
And I kinda had a conversation with my teacher today, she kept thinking that she had demerit me before.
Well, she didnt, and she claimed that I was very naughty and famous back then. =.="'
I dont exactly agree to that, xD
Always seeing my changes myself, I never thought any teacher would have noticed it. Heh.
And yeah, I'm still gonna continue to change, I really have to change this year.
Oh yeah, "laugh more and you'll grow fatter", is this saying true? o.o
I'd like to make myself believe That planet Earth turns slowly It's hard to say that I'd rather stay Awake when I'm asleep Cuz everything is never as it seems When I fall asleep
Heyyie, how's everyone doing?
Don't worry about me anymore, I'm way better than last few days. =)
Somehow, removing stuffs that are related out from my room or keeping myself occupied all the time is a better choice than keep thinking of moving on and being positive.
Anyway, am in the progression of making everything happy again, though I'd not say back to normal again.
BTW, happy belated birthday to Brendon Yeoh. Have fun celebrating with the angels and God. =)
Alright, I'm so tired. Still sick and lack of sleep.
Real lack that my eyes weren't able to open during lessons today. =S
But still the same sucks ass problem, insomnia. =_=
Anyhow, I promised my mum, no more TV shows after finishing this Korean drama that I'm watching, which is You're Beautiful.
I know it's weird I promised her.
Though I didn't promise her I'd study, but, well yeah, I'm afraid of exams. =S
It's already the last week of January. So fast. =O
And, the weirdest thing happened to me couple nights back and it freaked me out like hell.
You wouldnt believe how I reacted, that even I freaked myself out.
And how badly I wish there's someone beside me, be it mum or bro,
I just wished that someone could accompany me to sleep that night, like back then when I was young.
Though the weirdest and saddest things had occur, but something simple just made a crack.
Perhaps it's going to be a big hole, but, a crack is more than enough.
Leave my door open just a crack Cuz I feel like such an insomniac
Why do I tire of counting sheep When I'm far too tired to fall asleep
Attended Brendon and Yi Zhang's funeral yesterday.
Thanks to Jia Min, Wei Ling and their mums.
It was awful, when I saw people crying, especially those who are very close to them.
I tried to stay strong the whole day, yet I failed.
Witnessing Brendon's dad cried so hard when Brendon's friends were saying their last words, made my body felt a sudden pain, it was so pain that I didnt know where it came from.
Seeing Yi Zhang's mum walked pass right in front of me during the cremation made my heart ache.
Parents losing their own child, that kind of pain will never exceed the kind of pain friends are experiencing.
My day is dedicated to them, for I could not do anything else but accompany them through their last journeys with us.
With all the heart breaking, saddening scenes, incapable of eating, dehydration, sun shining so brightly and so much crying, I wasnt in any better condition I could have be in.
Felt dizziness and eyesights went blur numerous times, I still hold on.
Eventually, we were all exhausted but not claiming it at all, even dropping into drain or banging road sign did not stop us at all for continuing to accompany them for their last journeys.
We were not hurt at all, it must be our guidance angels (you know who they are) looking after us.
It has all end by today, we all tried our best to continue our usual life but it is never the same anymore.
You all are in a better place now, have fun there. You guys will always be remembered.
I calmed myself down so much, trying to concentrate in class, but by one thing, just one thing, which was listening to "My Heart Will Go On" my teacher played in class today, made my day worst.
By listening to "When Will You Come Back Again" during practice made me struggled.
But somehow, there was a message to me.
Obviously, I couldnt concentrate much, since it's a new song to me, til now I still dont know the melody, which is so not me.
But there was this tune that caught my attention, I hummed so many times thinking what song is it, I looked through the list and found out that it was 'Don't worry.. Be happy..'
Jia Yi said, it is a message to me. Perhaps it is?
Unable to get rid of the hard times, forcing myself not to cry so many times today, and I failed. There were times when succeed. But it was 9:1.
I did not realize until late afternoon, that my friends are worried about me.
I am sorry, I've tried my best. I didnt know I've had that sad face for the whole afternoon.
I'm sorry, for I could not force myself to smile. I'd rather go with the flow of my emotions than forcing myself to put on a bitter smile.
Thank you for all your kindness, support and encouragement.
When time flies, although the pain will never go, at least I hope that I wont cry everyday anymore, live on happily.
I know I said I'll try to move on many many times, but more time is needed.
I know I was very positive, I'm not now, I'm not strong enough.
I'm exhausted after days of lack of sleep, I'm sick and I'm weak physically and mentally.
I can put on a smile to all of you now, but it will never be genuine.
They were good students, yet they don't get to study anymore.
For we shall study harder;
They strived their lives to survive,
we shall not fuss when only a small matter goes wrong;
They haven't even experience the whole wide world,
but I believe they have lived a great life;
Both my eyes and heart are aching, yet they'll never come back.
We shall let them go peacefully.
Do drop me sweet dreams. ♥
I am still so sad, although I tried to be positive and move on so much, but still emotional.
Facts are facts, accepted but I just still need more time.
Trying to be distracted by other stuffs, yet I'd still think of them once in a while, especially Yi Zhang and Brendon. =(
My eyes are either wet, or dry, ran out of tears. Hurts.
My heart have never stop feeling the pain. Aches.
I feel regret, so so so much for haven't been talking to them for quite some time,for not believing my own instincts.
They're the guys that I've never felt annoying even though they have done a lot of silly stuffs.
I cant forget their voices, their laughters, especially Yi Zhang's, which I just heard on Friday night so clearly.
I wonder who else can bring us laughters, who else have such great abilities. They're all superly active in co-curriculum. Each of them have many posts in so many different clubs, they have great great achievements.
Why them? Why such good teenagers have to go?
Perhaps my mum is right, when it's your time to go, it's your time.
I've learned so many things from this incident, un-describable .
Appreciate and love.
Couldnt sleep last night, eyes were full of tears, heart was aching.
I was a sleepyhead in class.
The same will happen tonight, and tomorrow morning. =(
When I first saw the news of Chung Ling Dragon Boat tragedy, I was thinking, it might be just another random group of people that I don't know.
But when I went to Facebook, where people start posting messages on my friends' walls, I knew something is wrong, real wrong.
They're all my primary school friends who was worried.
Soon I found out that, there were a lot who were from my primary school were in the team.
Boon Cheng Hao came back safely! Thank God!
But it wasn't that lucky for the others. Jason Ch'ng's body was found after the teacher.
I was so shock and couldnt believe it.
He was the guy, who I was grumbling about two days ago before the incident.
He was sitting couple of rows in front of me in tuition, and was so tall that I was thinking "高到要死, cant see the board." Now he's really gone.
I feel so freaking bad.
After all, we don't really know each other, and he's not from my primary school, so I was still okay, and I was praying for Brendon and Yi Zhang all the while.
There were many people that were posting all sorts of stuffs on their wall in Facebook and those relevant to Brendon and Yi Zhang still owe them stuffs and money are the posts that I dislike most.
I was having a very positive mindset of all times I could. I've never been so positive about something bad.
All I thought was if everyone could be positive, pray for them every second, there's this some kinda charisma, where the positive energy would help much, rather than everyone have already started crying way before any news are out.
But it was just me.
I went to bed, worried but trying to keep a peaceful mind. I prayed and prayed. Even my dreams were somehow relevant.
I went to school, being cheerful, saw my classmates crying, I struggled, still trying my best to keep a very positive mind although it's almost 24 hours since the tragedy and, logically, not much hope is left.
Not until around 9.30, while we were waiting to get our graduation pictures taken, Alison came to tell me that they received a news. "That Yi Zhang.." I was hoping I could cheer, but from her expressions, I knew it's not something nice at all.
When she shook her head, I broke down, those positive mindset went right away. I couldnt believe at all.
Yi Zhang, we were once school mates, the guy who was wearing a Twisties T-shirt on Friday night to tuition which I think it was so funny, the guy who always had smile on his face, he's now gone.
I cried so much that I wasnt able to take my graduation picture and concentrate in class.
I was still hoping, praying for Brendon, although I knew the hope is so small.
After school, when I went online, I saw the news that Brendon's body is found near to the place where Yi Zhang's body was found 4 hours plus later.
I couldnt cry anymore, there were no more tears. But my heart is in so much pain.
They were all very nice and funny people, very hardworking students, most of all, very lovable friends.
I knew something might happen when I started to take note of this three guys in tuition, there were this kinda very weird aura attracting me.
I had the same feeling every time something's gonna happen.
And this time, I thought I was thinking too much, the kinda feeling while I looked at them was like they're going away.
I thought maybe they're going overseas before SPM just like most students are doing, I didnt think that much.
Who knew, those weird attracting 'aura' were actually telling me to look at them for the last few chances I have.
The people I've just seen couple of days ago, they're gone, forever.
Tuition will never be the same anymore without them, their laughter and so much more.
We aren't able to see them anymore during gathering.
It's such a waste, they had a bright future, leader of all sorts of associations, always had great results since primary school.
I've never thought of something like this would occur to anyone I know.
Losing three people I know in a same time, it's hard to understand.
Rest in peace, Jason Ch'ng.
Resi in peace my dear friends, Brendon Yeoh and Yi Zhang.
Although we're not close at all, but we were once school mates.
I pretty like my class this year. ;D *Although I dont know around half of them*
And I've not seen any teachers that are very strict. Yipee!
We're all laughing most of the time. And that should be a great thing, yeah? ;D
Class are very boring, sometimes, and I'd go into dreamland, especially during history or physics lessons or during lessons of those teachers that speak very softly. =p
But I've been trying to concentrate real hard. =)
Anyway, I bought Kgotboda Namja sountrack, last week? ^^ Pretty gifts. Hee.
I am so inactive in Facebook, Plurk, Twitter and blog. New year, new resolutions what. xD
First, dislikes too much pressure and stress. =_=
It's only the second week of school, 7th day precisely, and I've heard like up to hundred times of "SPM".
And, hundredsss times of advices and suggestions or blabbering given about studying for SPM. =.="'
I know SPM is like 10 more months to go, which is around 46 weeks or 320 plus days. WTH!
But, come on, dont keep on emphasizing SPM SPM SPM. =.="'
It makes me feel so pressure and it's causing more insomnia, pimples or I might get those pressure type dandruff. Sheesh.
Okay, fine, maybe you'll be saying I'm the kiasu type or whatever, but I dont wanna be one of the worst.
Not only that, I really have to study hard to make dreams come true. Heh.
And my mum is like, dont you give me so-so results, if you do so, dont think I'll send you overseas.
WTH, since when my mum became so strict hah?!
And what's with rules of no TV and online-ing before homework are finished on weekends and no TV and online-ing on weekdays.
Obviously, I am somehow ignoring it now. =p
I seriously think that the teachers should teach a lil faster.
Oh, and I'm like such a sleepyhead. I feel sleepy all the day and history is sooo good at "singing" lullaby. ; )
Toodles, time for bed, would feel better if I sleep early, rather than feel like throwing my alarm every morning. But I cant cuz it's my precious ipone. Haha.
First day of school, and my goodness, so tired. =.=
Well, since I skipped school on Saturday, so today when I went to class, I've to sit at the last row, alone. T.T
At least I still have Mandy, Bee Gaik, Michele, Chee Yeng and Jou Ee all in front of me. ;p
But guess what, Joella came and sat with me after all. Hee.
Anyway, first day of school wasnt that bad after all. No homework. =p
By the way, can someone get me this? Boys Over Flowers OST Luxury Edition.
Or this! F4 Special Edition (CD+DVD) Taiwan Deluxe Edition)
But the one I want most is this!! Kim Bum's Eve no Sora / Ima Ai ni Ikimasu! ;p
Just released last month but it seems so hard to get it here from the disc shops.
Get me for a super duper early birthday present, please? Hee.
Currently likes Kim Bum's 지금 만나러 갑니다 I'm Going To Meet Her Now and Lee Min Ho's My Everything and Kim Hyun Joong's 행복이란 Happiness Is so so so much. Hee.
Just realized that on christmas, I didnt wish everyone merry christmas here. Sorry, peeps.
And, I havent been blogging so frequently nowadays, I realized? Heh.
Anyway, still, happy new year everyone! ;D
Oh well, it's already year 2010. Time flies. A new year, and it's already a tough week. T.T
Back to school tomorrow. Sobs, I dont wanna go to school. There are a lot of stuffs that I dont feel like doing at all. Pfft.
But, I've got no choice. Last year of high school life, just gotta make it fun as much as possible, right? Not to forget, am facing SPM this year. Pressure! ><
"Prove to me that you can, then I'll let you further your studies, if not, after graduated, get a job and just go get married!" O_O
These _____ (un-describable) sentences motivated me quite much, and you cannot believe how my dad and I looked at each other like OMG when we heard "go get married". =.="'
It just sucks, I dont really like pressures.
Btw, you wont believe that for the past one and a half week, I've been such a lazy person.
I mean, other than meeting up with relatives from NZ, KL and etc etc, I basically just stays at home.
Even if all of them came to our house for the pass few nights, I was "busy" watching korean drama, Kgotboda Namja, Boys Over Flowers. ;D
Well, it was because I dont leave my bed that much. 90% of my time at home equals staying in bed.
I just dont feel like moving much and feel like replenishing loadsa sleep but failed. =.="'
Even going to the beach would bore me after a few hours and thought could have some really relaxing time but ended up lying on the mat and start dozing except having silly aunts that were saying funny stuffs and so I couldnt sleep.
Blaah, so yeah, everyday during early evening, I cant stand it anymore and will fell asleep, even if I was watching Kgotboda Namja.
Speaking about Kgotboda Namja, awesome story, except felt a little like it was all trying to tell you no matter how many hard times Joon Pyo and Jan Di went through, they're still together, so it kinda felt like they were just trying to get more incidents to make it reach 25 episodes?
But still, awesome actors and actresses! ;D
Me likey Lee Min Ho and Kim Bum. At first I didnt really like Lee Min Ho cuz his character Gu Joon Pyo was freaking irritating and cruel, and arrogant.
But I figured out that it was Joon Pyo's character, not Min Ho's. xp
Kim Joon has very lil scenes and has only one drama production. =(
Kim Bum is freaking cute but has super mature thinking for his age. ^^
Kim Hyun Joon knows how to play loadsa instruments. Woots! Watched We Got Married that has his appearance and, laugh die me. =p
And most of, Lee Min Ho that has the same birthday with me. ;D
Thinks my life is somehow kinda similar to his (except he is famous and is an actor) by how he went through loadsa stuffs.
Anyway, watched quite a few of his movies and dramas. =)
And I realized that korean somehow has quite loadsa words that has similar pronunciation with chinese. =o
And it was quite some time ago, (six years plus, to be exact) that I'd fancy about celebrities, especially male actors.
Heh, something must be wrong with me again recently, cuz first, it's my first time watching korean drama.
Second, must be the three Kims and Lee Min Ho are too attractive or has the potential, and made me selected to watch Kgotboda Namja. Hmmm...
Short the name, Am`s.
Plays the piano and percussion.
Loves instrumental, jazz and classical.
Likes to read. Fond of hugs.
Loves family and friends.
Call me being eccentric, but I've quite an aversion to liquor and abhor smoking.
Peace ; )
*Psst! I always either forgot or lazy to tag labels on every entry. So do excuse me if you cant stuffs under some labels.* =)
` More Lomo Cameras
` Learn another language; Korean?
` Get income :/
` New piano seriously.
` Vacations; Visit an Europe country
` A long break from everything
