i've decided to continue this way.
until the day they change.

i dont know why but i'm thinking...
the day will come.

i do not understand where did such confidence came from upon me.

but i trusted myself,
for the day will come.

i put myself into it, more.
i dont know why.
i'm afraid i might get myself hurt.

i'm too fragile nowadays.
but, instead of going backwards,
i'm going forward and putting in more and more effort.

this is ridiculous cuz i know i definitely will get hurt.

"never try, never know"

this is what people always say.

but,

"if you know what's the consequences, and it's bad, dont go for it"

see, it's very contradict.
this is what human beings always are and this is life.

but i'm hardly pulling myself back.
i do pull myself back, but most of the time,
i'm letting myself out.

it's because i wanna try and see.
i wanna give myself a chance.

but, afraid of getting hurt is the biggest challenge i have to get through first.....

Labels: Feelings/Comment

yesterday, there were many stupid ads kept popping out on my computer screen.
i felt so fed up.
cuz the pop up blocker was already set as on mode.
i didnt know what else to do so i just left it.
leaving it to pop.
and hell yeah, it pop-ed more and more ads.
=.=

then i couldnt bare it anymore so i just offline.
hee.

this morning, my bro on my computer
cuz he needa print something for my dad
and my computer is the only one which have printer connected.
but then he complaint that my internet explorer cant be used.
so i said used mozilla cuz internet explorer in my computer has broke down since long ago.
but mozilla couldnt be used too!

then i checked with avg and mcafee,
my computer has virus.
=.=

then my mum and bro went out.
leaving me with the stupid computer.
i tried to use avg to cure it but then it got worst.
after trying many ways, end up with wei kiat helped me.

used restore system.
woot!
totally recovered and so the avg disappeared.
=.=

at last, i found out that it was the avg which is causing all those virus.
lousy avg.
it didnt help my computer to protect virus, instead, it created virus.
this is lame.
lol.

but gotta thanks wei kiat for telling me to restore system.
if not, i wont be online-ing now.
that's why you can see that at the cbox,
i left 2 msgs, which have the time difference of a couple of minutes only.

i was restoring while using my bro's laptop to leave a msg there.
lol.

was damn relief.
as i dont have to worry that my dad will kill me!
*laughs*


anyway, my grand is getting out from hospital soon!
doctor even said he can even leave now.
but dad and uncles said let's just keep him there for a couple days more.
to be safe.

thank God!

Labels: Blah blah blah.., Daily Life, Family, Feelings/Comment

i've started on eclipse!
yay!
but once school reopens, boohoo.
surely no time to read.

and, i'm unable to attend physics & chemistry tuition tonight at anthony's.
boohoo.
i dont wanna miss class.
if not i wont understand the things he teach during next class.
TnT

anyway, i'm gonna indulge in sms-ing and eclipse tonight
=D
oh and ice cream and junk food too.
*darn. i dont wanna put on weight but i wanna eat all those junk food*
=.=


btw,
seeing my grand being better, i'm better too.
though my heart still ache.
but, yeah, i'm better, honestly.

THANK YOU!
thanks to those who concerned me in the past few days.
in msn, in blog comments, sms and so.
thank you guys for those encouraging words too.
*hugs*

love you guys, my friends.
=)

Labels: Daily Life, Feelings/Comment, Notice/Announcement

these are quite funny.
just watch it.


snuff box, the boyfriend scene.
starring the very funny Matt Berry.
lol.



the touch my body by mariah carrey became tuhs my barreh.
=.=
read the subtitles as you watch.
thanks to jes for sharing this video in plurk.
i laughed so hard when i watch it. xD



animation.
it's not very funny in the beginning.
but i find it quite amazing.
lol.

Labels: Share, Videos

this morning woke up quite early.
1st thing, reply sms again.
=.=
next bath and so.
then went downstairs.
had cereal for breakfast..

and my mum decided to bring us out.
woohoo!
finally can go out after 2 days totally stuck at home
=.=

went and cut my hair.
my goodness. waited til so long only my turn.
=S
and my fringe..
i cut it,
short!
quite okay lah. but sometimes dont suit me, i think?
==

never mind then.
headed to hospital to visit my grand.
he's better today.
more calm, more acceptable, i guess.

and so i take care of my sisters again.
then after quite long, went to buy groceries.
once reach home, dad called, ask us to get back to hospital.
went back.
then spoke to grand a while.
then waiting for my grandmother to come, from butterworth.

i was struggling more then.
they're both old. i mean really old.
my grandma herself is sick too, but she still insist of coming all the way to penang to visit my grandpa.
but she seems strong to me.

my bro shed a tear or two.
and he scolded me for being cold blooded.
=.=
i told him i dont feel good too.
except that i couldn't cry out.

fyi, i'm used to not crying out ad.
the most is tears on my eyes.
after going through so many things, i hardly cry out.

on the surface, i look like one strong, cold blooded, no feelings girl.
but deep in my heart, i'm already struggling with myself.
but no one sees it.
and i even get accused for being cold blooded.
=.=

fine then.
when we're going back, my grandpa told my grandma to go back home and rest,
my grandma was worry whether midnight he'll get hungry or not or so.
this is what i call eternal love and true concern and caring.

we headed home too.
cooked dinner.
spaghetti.
no appetite to eat.
just chuck in whatever i have.

i'm worry.
i need someone to be beside me now.
and the people i need, both of them, couldnt be beside me now.
although one of them sms-ed me.
but i didnt mention about it.
i didnt want to spoil others holiday.


*i'm drinking shandy.
ish.
i told myself no alcohol at all this year.
didnt wanna drink shandy at all like i used to drink during cny.
but, naah. couldnt resist it. =.=
especially feeling soooo bad.
chocolates, junk food will usually come in need.
but, today thought of shandy shandy shandy... *
=.=

Labels: Blah blah blah.., Daily Life, Family, Feelings/Comment

feeling very bad right now.
have no one to go to.
=(

my grand is in hospital.
my parents gotta take care of him
almost 24 hours.
even they came back and sleep just now,
not more than 2 hours, i guess.
then they're off to hospital again.

and my dad's family side.............
i'm a kid. so i cant give any comment.
but deep in my heart, i know what is wrong, what is right.
who is wrong and who is right.
i have to learn to be like my eldest cousin, i mean my dad's side one.
like my mum said, i'm gonna look up to him.
^^

so, while my parents are busy and so,
i'm being a baby sitter.
but being a baby sitter is really tiring.
although i've been taking care of my sisters since they born til now.
but, now i realize how hard it really is to raise a kid.
at least my sisters can understand what i tell them to do.
imagine a baby.
=.=

well, i have one quite terrible brother.
he is older than me.
but,
he cant take really good care of us this 3 sisters.
==
he even got himself to fall sick.
ish.

and he dont know which one is painkiller and which one is panadol.
i even have to go search up the medicine box to get what he needs.
gave him one painkiller cuz he's not really fever but keep saying he's fever.
=.=
then zyrtec or so for flu.
and vitamin Cs!!
if not he will pass the germs to my sisters and tomorrow will be a bad day for me.

i'm like one mother
=.=
force them drink loadsa water.
gave them vitamin Cs.

and my bro dont know how to call for delivery i think?
yesterday mcdonalds, i called.
today dominos, he asked me to call too.
=.=
then have to consider their health,
no carbonated drinks for them. =D

luckily i solved my add maths questions while my parents were home in the afternoon.
if not, now i'll be frustrating and start scolding people.
xD

but thanks to someone.
without this friend, i'd be all so grouchy and grumbling non stop.


God bless my grandfather.
praying hard for him everyday.
even though aint christian.
==


um. there's more.
just i'm too lazy to write it out here and share.
gonna be one emo girl today.
tears.........

Labels: Feelings/Comment

so my cousins finally settled down a bit last night after being like crazy people whole day.
lol.
1st they went to tv room to watch mulan on disney channel.
i was so happy cuz the stupid mulan movie with the stupid dragon attracted them.
laugh til i wanna die.
but oh great. the mulan and the stupid funny dragon didnt attract them long enough.
not even 10 minutes, they're already all up and running again.
=.=

so they went to mess up my sis' room
lol.
next, went my parents' room to watch city of ember??
=.=

let the pics talk.

Labels: Family, Pictures

i've checked through almost all the comments in my post.
replied too.

well, i've check up til november 19.
i haven't check those posts before november 19 and older than that.
guess no one reply there also ad lah.

anyway, i guess just shayne and alexson this two sifu and tudi needa go and reply.
lol.

anyway, here is the result of
21st Century International Band Competition held last year.

No. School Name Award
1	Pasir Ris Secondary School Concert Band	GOLD
2	Nan Chiau High School Wind Orchestra	GOLD
3	CHIJ St Nicholas Girls' School Symphonic Band	GOLD
4	Changkat Changi Secondary School	SILVER
5	Choa Chu Kang Winds	SILVER
6	Chung Cheng High School (Yishun) Symphonic Band	SILVER
7	Kranji Symphonic Band	SILVER
8	Yuan Ching Concert Band	SILVER
9	Fajar Secondary School Symphonic Band	SILVER
10	Ngee Ann Secondary School Concert Band	SILVER
11	Fuchun Secondary School Concert Band	SILVER
12	Jit Sin (Ind) High School Band	Performance Award
13	Junyuan Secondary School	SILVER
14	Mont'Kiara International School Middle School Concert Band	SILVER

someone bluffed me!
hahahaa.
i was too lazy to check so i straight away asked him instead.
but LOL.
i went and check, the result published out jor.
and he told me they got silver when they did not.
xD


never mind.
anyway, this year will have again.
though it's not announce out on the net yet.
but surely many singapore band will join again.
lol.

being baby sitter again. so, toodles!

Labels: Band, Notice/Announcement

currently addicted to starry starry night this song.
freaking love it.

i really do like stars more and more nowadays.
haha.
oh and i suddenly feel like i like oldies more too nowadays.
old jor?
then dont like those rock music?
*well, i never like rock music*
preferring slow and smooth and comfort the ears music..
hmm.
*i'm not that old yet!*
*laughs*


anyway, starry starry night will autoplay on my blog.
=)
then next is river flows in you.
currently addicted to this two.
enjoy!
=)

Labels: Blah blah blah.., Share

my cousins went super hyper after i gave them candy.
wrong decision.
*laughs*

they are cute but naughty at the same time.
=)




it's blur. but couldnt get any nice pic
cuz they're all here and there.
lol.

one of my cousin birthday is on today.
happy birthday dear zhi hui.
loves you lot.
=)

when she came to my house today and i went downstairs
she was "jie jie!!"
and she hugged me for so long.
then later on, she was playing games,
suddenly she came and hugged me and put her head on my shoulder.
awww.
she's so cute.
=)


this is her.

i'm gonna get a nice nice pic of her later on.
=)

i'm wearing my bunny T today.
haha.


if you have my msn, you'll see that i said
a bunny in a bunny T. =.=
hehe.




i'm thinking of cutting my fringe.
or even change my whole hairstyle.
people, any suggestions??

Labels: Blah blah blah.., Daily Life, Family, Pictures

fluff fluff, my hamster which passed away
is now replaced with another male hamster.
so naf naf has a new partner.

it's still fluff fluff & naf naf.
=)

except, we have another new pair.
fluffy fluff & naffy naf.
lol.

my bro wanted fluffly fluffly & naffy naffy.
but i suggested fluffly fluff & naffy naf.
=p

i want the hamsters to have kids!
xD

rest in peace, fluff fluff number 1.

Labels: Daily Life

yesterday was 1st day of chinese new year.
it was bad and good at the same time
=.=

anyway, stopped at starbucks for breakfast 1st.
thank god, thank my dad
if not, it will be steamboat for every meal!
hee.

then headed butterworth.
the penang bridge was not very jam.
weehoo.

reached grands house but not many people came yet.
so went and greet my grands in their room.
sadly my grandfather still not in a very good state.

so i became baby sitter again
took care of my 2 sisters, and 4 cousin sisters in the garden.
they dont know the dangerous of simply throwing the pop pops on people?
=_=

they kept threw it at me.
being baby sitter to take care of their safety, end up i'm the one in danger
haha.





then fooled around with them
soon, quite many relatives came.
greetings, ang paos, baby sitter.
=.=
being a baby sitter is boring.
unless you're in the mood to fool with them.
well, i couldnt cuz i was worrying about my grand.
so i just keep on playing songs on my handphone and took random pictures.










and so, they finally convinced my grandfather to go to hospital.
poor him.
new year and he's not feeling very well.
=(

the little ones soon got indoors.
finally i get to rest and most of their parents are there so not my job anymore.
hee.

sat in front of the tv, sms, ate, and watched the stupid old kung fu type movie.
gosh. it was in cantonese,
i dont even understand a single sentence.
maybe i really should start learning cantonese.
wait, i should improve my hokkien 1st.
since i'm a hokkien.
oh no! i should start improving my chinese 1st.
=.= lol.

after a couple of hours in front of the tv, i went upstairs to my cousin's room.
they're all playing monopoly.







zhen hong and i played mastermind.
^^





i won many times.
haha.

then i went downstairs to get a drink
and my aunt told me my parents went back ad.
i was like "hah??"
then she say yeah went back ad and so
and i hah again.
=.=
i thought she was joking.
but seriously, my parents went back to penang.
leaving my siblings and i here in butterworth.
and they wont come and pick us home.
they say see who is going to penang then who fetch us back.
=.=

then, i am the baby sitter again
got my sis to bath.
mean time, one of my cousins asked whether do i wanna join them along to the newly opened old town.
then i was like okay, let me finish bathing my sisters 1st.

FYI, i'm not very close with my cousins.
cuz they're all butterworth people and my family is the only one living in penang.
since they're all in butterworth, they see each other more than i see them.

i only see them during cny.
or if my grands admitted to hospital.
or anyone of them have wedding.
and due to age gap.
so, yeah, automatically, we're not close.

but hey, this year wasnt very bad.
=)

so we went old town.
it was quite fun, though.
except it's a bit hard to get them all into the same topic as we're all sitting in 4 tables jointed together.
never mind, at least we're one bit closer to them ad.

got back to grands house.
it suddenly felt so empty.
cuz before that, there were more than 30 or 40 people there.
and suddenly left 3 people.
=.=

then all the little ones came back and we started to play.
garden again.







played fireworks, monkey catch the ball, played ice man.
=.=
cant blame.
they're all so young.
between age 5 to 9.
so my bro and i and another cousin which is 12 became baby sitters.
lol.





the little ones ran and ran without looking one.
bang on each other and fell.
=.=
or ran then suddenly fell down theirselves.
=.=



but trying not to let them cry,
my brother and i have to do silly stuff for them.
and they didnt cry ad.
haha. it works.









this cousin even cried cuz she didnt get the ball
she went inside, cried and complain to her mum
while the others outside didnt even notice she's already crying
=.=

so i have to be one silly big sister,
go inside cheer her up and quickly grab her outside and soon she didnt cry ad.
she's already laughing
lol.

kida are like that.
one minute laughing, one minute can cry then one minute can laugh again ad.
imagine if we adults, teenagers do such thing.
LOL.





always like to see the little ones laugh and smile.
except when it comes to picture time,
they didnt smile
=.="'



we sweated like hell.
running here and there.
and the youngest one is so cute.
bullied my brother.
xD

then, my cousin came and picked us up and fetch us to penang
yay!
finally can rest.
but, headed to hospital.
my grand wasnt feeling quite well yet
and he joked or was he really lost?
maybe lost isnt the correct word.
but idk how to describe without revealing much out here.

slept in midnight last night.
=.=

this morning woke up QUITE early.
but parents not in ad.
being baby siter again.

ordered mcdelivery.
if you consider a large fries as lunch, then yes, i had my lunch.
lol.

later on, cousins from butterworth will all come to my house.
then, surely my house will explode again.
lol.


God bless my dear grandfather.
he is healthy except lou moh jor.
bless my relatives, my dad and uncles too.
they stress too much.
=.=


*i'm freaking boring. msn, or sms, anyone?*

Labels: Blah blah blah.., Daily Life, Family, Feelings/Comment, Pictures

here's some pics taken during december.


beach days with cousins from KL and butterworth.

Labels: Family, Pictures